no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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