On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
