I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
