oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
