Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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