I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
