Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
