don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Are we still banned from the library?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
