NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
