went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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