I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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