glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
