I'm drive I can fine osifer
we're chasing vodka with high fives
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
