thus making me awesome and them whores
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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