so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
