It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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