Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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