so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
