I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
