he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
