got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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