Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
