Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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