Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Banned from zoo.
Again?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
