just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
