I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
