Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
