I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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