I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
