The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
