Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
