How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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