are you still at the devil's house?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
