There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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