i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
