i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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