i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
