I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
