she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
