if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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