I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
