I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
