Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
