wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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