sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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