what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
