saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
