i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
