i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
