Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
