tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
