Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
