We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
